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Wednesday, September 21, 2016

The Pitt Split

As first reported yesterday, Angelina Jolie, 41, has filed for divorce from husband of two years Brad Pitt, 52 (Holy shit, Brad Pitt is 52?!). Let's break it down, shall we? 

Page Six has the couple splitting because Brad Pitt started sexing up Marion Cotillard, 40, on the set of their new film Allied. A source states, "She hired a private eye because she felt that he was fooling around with her on the set, and it turns out, he was. And that was the final straw. The atmosphere [off-set] was full of hard drugs and Russian hookers, and Angie was told Brad got caught up in it. He’s in the throes of some insane midlife crisis, and Angie is fed up.” Hmmm, I don't really see Angelina giving a fuck that Brad Pitt got some strange. Next up...

TMZ reports that Angelina filed for divorce for the safety of their six children, which is why she filed for sole physical custody, but joint legal custody. A source states, "Angelina became "fed up" with Brad's consumption of weed and possibly alcohol, and mixed with what she believes is "an anger problem" ... felt it became dangerous for the children." They also note that there is no third party involved in the decision to divorce. Hmmm, this one sounds more plausible. Is there anything else that will tilt the scales?

There is! TMZ reports that Brad Pitt is furious that Angelina filed for divorce, which he thinks puts their kids in danger due to the paparazzi. He says he wanted the divorce to be low-key. Okay, Brad is clearly smoking some realllllly good shit if he thinks that any part of a Brangelina divorce could be in any way low-key. 

My verdict is in: Angelina is protecting the children from Brad's copious pot smoking. Not that they need protection. Maddox is a stealth ninja, he will fuck some shit up if anyone tries to mess with his mom!